It’s been dry all the time since I arrived in Scotland.
But inside me, it’s a rainy day.
I try to avoid doing this, but I can’t help it much. I know that the second week before I have to leave always goes by so fast. That is why I start to get sad.
I know I will be missing Trev and I will be sad to go back home and a whole lot of work is waiting for me. But because I want to hide under my blankets and be sad, the prospect of work is not very encouraging but rather overwhelming.
I try to enjoy the moment and not think too much about Sunday. I try to get things done.
But inside somewhere, I’m sad. It doesn’t help much that I can’t get out of the house when Trev’s not around because I can’t get back in on my own.
And then sometimes, something happens, something snaps, and then there’s just a lot of water, and it never stops.
I know exactly that the life situation we are in now is entirely the product of our decisions. But in such moments I just want to break down and blame the world for being so complicated, and I wonder how everything ended up being so horribly hard.
I don’t have this same situation, but I do know how it feels to be struggling to remain positive under a great weight and to want to blame the world. Sometimes there’s just nothing to do but to give into it, relieve some pressure, and hope the sunshine of tomorrow creeps into your mood. I respect you a lot for how you seem to always keep trying, and that’s better than perfection.
thank you, Mary. awh, at the moment, even nice things make me tear up! ^^ *big hugs*