Holding on

Sometimes, all it comes down to, is holding on to something.

To a smile, maybe, or the covers of your bed.

To a vision, a passion. Or just a box of cookies.

To hope, and light, and lofty ideas, or a pack of tissues.

eyes

Holding on is not always heroic, rarely graceful. It involves ugly tears that will not do well on canvas, a heart that breaks a million times, a soul that is too confused to even look up for the light. If it means doing nothing, talking nothing, thinking nothing, for a while, sometimes a longer while than anyone could ever justify. And being so scared that nobody could ever respect your smallness. Maybe it means hurt, until you realise that it is yourself that is causing the hurt, and then, still not being able to stop. It means hate, and dark clouds, and shadowy valleys and looking out the window and seeing a world turn on without you, so fast and big that it makes your innermost soul cringe with fear. It will also mean cowering in a corner and trying to dissapear by curling into a ball of unworthyness.

Oh, yes, it will. But however ugly and wasted and useless the days may seem, floating by endlessly, you are holding on. Because you are still here when all you want is to dissappear, into a blue and peaceful cloud, forever. You are still here, and all your dissappearances are temporary. That is why you are a hero. That is why your scars are nothing to hide from the world. Because you held on to whatever you could when you needed to.

And then one day you looked up and you said. “I found a tiny bit of love, right here.”

And then you got up, slowly, on shaky feet, and you took a tiny step, and you gave it another try.

Posted in Art and creativity, Personal | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Ramadan

Trev and I decided to observe ramadan this year.

There are a few reasons for this, at least for me. We have a few friends who celebrate ramadan, and as it is especially hard up north in Glasgow, it feels kind of nice to emphasize with them. We are always up for any types of challenges like this one, but first and foremost, for me, this is about spirituality.

086 - 21. Juni 2014 (Medium)

Ramadan is a time for muslims to try and grow closer to God through self discipline, experiencing of personal limits, intense prayers, and charity. (As far as I understood). Although I am not a muslima, I do definitely see the use and potential of such a period of intense spiritual focus. The abstinence from food and water during daylight is supposed to cleanse and purify the body and mind in order for the heart to listen closer to God.

Frankly, I have no idea yet if I will make it, and I did try and ease into the schedule by just abstaining from food and drink from normal breakfast to late dinner time on the first couple of days. Today is the first day that I got up before sunrise and cooked a huge breakfast (had to force it down as I am not a breakfast person at all!) and drank one liter of water in preparation for the day. Now it’s evening and the sensation of hunger is not as bad as it was in the early afternoon, but I am very thirsty, tired and distracted. I’m not sure how well I will function with this regime if I had to do any focused work. But I guess I will find out in time.

Muslims are asked to pray five times throughout the day and there are special prayers added during the month of ramadan. I’m not observing those prayer times or prayers because I don’t know enough about them to perform them, and from as much as I have seen, I would probably not be comfortable with them because their wording clashes with my personal spirituality.

So I am praying and meditating on a more personal schedule, and it definitely feels like a very special time. It might be a bit unorthodox to dedicate ramadan to the Goddess, and to chant ‘Hare Krishna’ and ‘Om Shanti’ on your mala beads, but for me it works.

The month of ramadan lasts for 28 days, so there will be plenty of time to experiment, and maybe write some more on the subject.

Ramadan Mubarak – Blessed Ramadan!

Posted in A good Life, Personal | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Summer Solstice camping

 

For Summer Solstice, we went camping on the beach this year.

The previous week had been gloriously warm and sunny, but Scotland wouldn’t be Scotland if the weather had been perfect for our little outing. So we started out with rather grey skies and a few showers during our drive to our destination.

Spirits were high anyways, everyone was looking forward to spending two days outdoors. On the ferry:
After about three hours of driving we parked the cars, put on the packs and shambled off into the woods.

After some scrambling through forests, bogs, and clouds of midges, we finally arrived at a decent camping spot and put up our tents. It was already late and we quickly gathered some wood for a fire.

Geoff doing magic.


We spent both nights huddling around a fire, trying to escape the assault of midges, and marveling at the beauty of the night sky. It didn’t really get dark, and the sun peeked back up over the horizon almost as soon as He dissappeared around 3am.




I had never been this far north ever in my life, and I am still awe-struck by the experience.





A campfire and lots of time means lots of cooking of course. All in all, we had tons of food and ate really well, although our water situation wasn’t quite that good.




During the day we went exploring, the guys hiked to fetch water from the next beach that had a little stream, cut fire wood, and people went swimming in the sea (except for me because I’m afraid of getting cold and also not a big fan of jellyfish ^^).






Cooking breakfast. Everything was full of sand, scratches from scrambling through the forest, sticky midge-repellent, and midge bites. Somehow though, we still managed to have a good time. Miraculous!





Almost ready to go. After breakfast on the last morning, a huge, threatening raincloud rolled in and we all packed our tents in a hurry, getting everything wet in the downpour (if you’ve ever camped you know what a pain it is to pack up in the rain!). Stupidly enough, the rain stopped after just a little while. Andy, who’d slept through the rain, was the only person to pack up a reasonably dry pack. Duh!

We walked a longer, but slightly less boggy route on the way back to the cars on the Sunday. Coming back home from camping is almost as great as going camping in itself and we were all sure happy to have a nice shower, wash the remaining ticks out of our hair, and slather ourselves in aloe vera gel against the itchyness of the midge bites.

We’re already planning the next trip!

Pictures by the fabulous Stefan Glatzel. <3

Posted in A good Life, Green and simple | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Life of late

So, hi. Do you still know me?
It’s been almost 3 months that I haven’t really written a blog post.
Giving up the ambition of blogging daily, or blogging at all for that matter, really felt like a huge relief at the time. I realised I was putting pressure on my self about something that was supposed to be a fun pastime. It happens sometimes, and in my experience it’s best to give up attachement to this thing at least for a while and prove yourself that you don’t have to do anything.

But now things seem to be a bit less hectic, I feel some more routine coming back into my life, and I can feel a well-known tug to document things that are on my mind.

So I’ll start again, but I’ll start slowly. No daily posts, not even a weekly schedule. I’ll just post whenever I feel like it.

A lot of things have happened in those three months of course and there’s probably one or the other story to tell.

Here’s the short version:

- I completed both my permaculture design course and my yoga teacher training.
- I turned 29.
- I started two self-employed careers.
- I knitted lots of things.
- I renovated a room.
- I made some big decisions.
- I started training again.
- I got a new job.
- I went on a few road trips and an amazing vacation.
- I made a few new friends.
- I cooked lots of food, washed loads of laundry, petted lots of cats, picked many many flowers, had so many laughs, hugged a lot, drank a few pints of cider, tried new things, and am still deeply in love with life and the world.

Sounds like some stuff to talk about, don’t you think? Be seein’ ya! xxx

2014-05-25 15.34.55 (Medium)

Posted in A good Life, Personal | Tagged | Leave a comment

Catching up


It’s been a while… as I said on facebook (find me there!), there’s just so much stuff happening at the moment. I can feel that things are shifting, but the process is too imminent and I feel vulnerable talking about my hopes, dreams and goals at this moment. I am just trying to stay with this forward-moving energy, and not to loose momentum. I know I am very prone to this, and it takes superhuman strength to get back up and going once I’ve fallen off the train, so my main concern at the moment is to enjoy the ride whilst keeping a balance between downtime, personal projects, necessary (adult *blegh*) life stuff, friends and family.

I miss blogging though, so even though I have no words at this moment, please enjoy some pictures of precious moments from the past few weeks.

 



My beautiful sister visited for a short while, and we enjoyed lots of sunny hours sightseeing and adventuring.





Trev and Picoletta are bottling our first homemade beer.

I hosted a full moon ritual. It was beautiful.

Also, yoga is on my mind a lot these days.

We started a garden. Well, it’s not quite that yet, more a patch of dirt where we hope to win an epic fight against an army of bramble roots.


Yoga inspiration and yoga doodles.

Permaculture is still going strong!


We don’t spend enough weekends exploring!

 

Posted in Personal | Tagged | Leave a comment

Quiet

Hi everyone, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but it’s been very very quiet here… I just can’t find the mind to blog at the moment. I am crazy busy with a lot of things happening – some of them are awesome, some are just dull and some are bothersome… but it seems I can’t really write about any of them. It doesn’t seem to be a time for much reflection, but more of doing, and living, and making.

I’ve decided to not let this add to the buzz in my head and just take as much time off as I need. In the meantime, if you wanna keep up, follow me on instagram or twitter @little_yaga.

See you around!!

 

 

Posted in Personal | Leave a comment

Miau Miooo!

Hey hey, it’s me, Edgar, the friendly neighbourhood cat.

Don’t mind me, just chillin’ under your car. And being really sweet and social. Miau miau!!




Posted in A good Life | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Vegan traveling – an ongoing experiment

It’s been a while since I wrote a dedicated post to veganism. As most of you know, I am by no means a fanatic or want to convince anyone to do anything they don’t want to. But I am quite passionate about constantly tweaking my diet and experimenting with better and healthier ways to feed my body.

So, I’ve been eating more or less vegan for a while. Whilst it has never been my goal to completely and forever swear off any animal foods (I’d rather we could find a solution to produce them in a way that makes it morally acceptable to eat them again…), I have always tried to be as strict as possible whilst taking care of not falling into a rut of feeling deprived and like I’m missing out on something.

That is one of the reasons why I always make the most exceptions when I’m traveling. When you’re on the go it is very hard to be picky about what you eat. It either takes a lot of luck and knowledge to source the right foods, or a lot of preparation to bring them with you.

But when I traveled to Switzerland for my Dad’s birthday a few days ago, I had some time and space in my carry-on luggage, so I decided to start an experiment and try to stay vegan on the journey.


I went into a tesco and started piling vegan snacks into my basket. I spent about ten pounds for

- 1pound of carrot sticks
- Bag of pumpkin seeds
- 4 bananas
- Bag of salted pistachios
- Bag of figues
- Small bottle of lemon water (my bad, forgot to bring my reusable water bottle)

Now that’s not too bad I think… the nuts and two of the bananas kept me comfortably filled all day and everything else was really just a nice to have.

The main thing that I realised was that you can actually eat quite well as soon as you let go of the concept of having to eat a ‘real meal’. The secret is to just eat a little bit whenever you’re hungry. That way, you will be snacking continuously over the course of your journey, and you will be ok. Of course I was very happy to sit down to a full meal after I arrived, but the point is: I did not go hungry, I kept myself fed, and I felt good about what I ate, instead of if I had devoured shitty vegetarian plane sandwiches.

So yeah, I think this could be something I want to expand in the future!

Do you pay attention to eating healthy when you are traveling or going on a road trip? How do you do it?

Posted in Green and simple | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Before & after – Sleepingroom

This is the kid’s room, the smaller sleeping room of our apartment. This is how it looked when we viewed the place:

It’s quite small, especially with a double bed in it, but we knew we wanted to make it our sleeping room because we thought it was really cute with the slanted ceiling and the skylight.

We moved the bigger bed into this room (yay for big beds!) and aligned it under the window so that we could see the sky when we’re in bed. (Well, I can see the sky, Trev only sees a blob of light as soon as he takes his glasses off…)


It’s pretty well packed with the chests of drawers behind the door. But it doesn’t feel crowded and since we really only sleep in here, it’s fine and serves it’s purpose.

Still, I’m not really happy with it… along with the hobby room, it’s the least decorated room in our flat, and I really want to change that. There’s a ton of wall space, and I think it would be cool to have some quote art up, something like this:

through pinterest

through pinterest

These are really easy to diy and I quite like the different looks you can get with them. They could be romantic, calming, minimalistic… whatever you prefer for your room. I, of course, prefer quirky, cute, or colorful things, but I always try to balance them with the kind of style that Trev prefers.

I do want to accentuate the roof and skylight bit somehow… I was thinking of putting up curtains and fairy lights, but that would probably be too girly and crowded. My new favourite idea is to gather a lot of white feathers, put some glitter on them, and hang them around the window, maybe mixed with some other trinkets.

I definitely need a dreamcatcher somewhere in this room! Or a handmade mandala, like this one:

through pinterest

I pinned the picture below for the mood that the room in the picture has. I would love for our sleeping room to feel light and crisp and simple but a bit romantic at the same time.

source

I’ll keep you posted about any improvements that I make!

Posted in A good Life | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Wall calendar DIY

I promised that I would post about the wall calendar that I made for our entrance hall. It was really quite a simple and straightforward project.

All you need is a large picture frame with a glass or plastic cover, some craft paper, and whiteboard markers.


I decided to have a giftwrapping background for December. I cut out squares for all the days, in different colors for the different weekdays.

Then all you need to do is assemble the frame, and taa-daah!

Then you can hang it up and start to fill in the dates and decorate it with whiteboard of window markers. When a new month comes around, simply wipe everything off and start over.


(Sorry I have no clue why wordpress does that… turning the pictures upside down.. they are fine in preview, they are fine on my computer, and as soon as I insert them into a post – desaster!)

Well, you get the picture, but if you’d like a more detailed tutorial, here’s one of the many that you can find around the web!

Have fun!

Update: The frame I got from Ikea has a really cheap plastic cover and the markers are really hard to clean off it. So I would recommend buying a frame with an actual glass plate to save you the trouble of using nailpolish remover every month! 

Posted in Art and creativity, Green and simple | Tagged , | Leave a comment